This section could become a whole website by itself.
HOW TO ... whatever: so many of them.
But as an expert Venezia goer, I would like to try to solve a few of your dilemmas while in Venice for the Carnival. All free of charge, of course.
HOW TO GET TO VENICE
By train, by bus, by boat, whatever. But leave your car home. You will spend a fortune in parking it, it will take you forever to get from the parking to downtown Venice, it will be a very sore experience to walk all the way back to where you parked your car, if you can ever be able to find it easily. And you will almost for sure get stuck in traffic on your way out.
And what is the advantage of having a car around Venice, anyway?
HOW TO GO AROUND IN VENICE
On foot and with the boats. Unless you can afford a taxi-boat. Get a boat pass (vaporetto, vaporino in Venitian slang) for the day or for the week and use it as much as possible. It's fun and it's not too expensive.
Wear only comfortable shoes, always. Remember your feet may get sore from all the walking and at this point going around it's not fun anymore!
Don't carry much stuff around, you don't really need it. Minimum possible, buy the food, eat it, don't carry heavy loads of water and supplies. You are not in a desert. You will find gazillions of stores that will serve you food on several price-levels. You can eat spending less that in your home town, and surely a lot better. Just be careful. It's very easy to spend more than we would like in Venice ...
WHEN TO GO THERE FOR THE CARNIVAL
If you follow my advice you avoid Saturdays and Sundays. Of course it's the most fun, but it's the most mass of people and sometimes you have spend hours just to cross the city, packed with other hundred thousand people. Of course the main days are the most important, I know. You choose.
WHERE TO STAY IN VENICE
Reserve way ahead. Staying in Venice can go from fairly reasonable in the more outward area to absurdly expensive in the center, and you might get the same small room with the bathroom in the corridor, because that's the way Venice is! If you have local contacts use them to help you get the right place for the amount of money you are willing to spend. Always remember that the more you are centrally located the less you will have to walk or stay in line waiting for the "vaporetto" (or vaporino as Venetians call it) to come and get you. Evaluate pros and cons. Perfect solution is being damned rich and stay at the Danieli Hotel. Sorry, can't help you with that.
WHERE TO EAT, WHAT TO EAT, WHEN TO EAT
You eat when you're hungry! Maybe avoid the time in which restaurants are overcrowded, check carefully if prices fit in your budget, be sure to be comfortable enough when eating (so as to be prepared to walk more and more, good digestion practice), and remember there are also a lot of stores where you can buy a piece of excellent cheese or exceptional prosciutto, and have a sandwich made out of it that will top lots of American, British, Greek, French restaurants! Even Italian ones!
You don't need to have a four courses meal if you can't afford it you're here for the carnival, after all! And don't carry around bottles of water or beer or coke (and especially don't leave them around when they're empty!) every ounce of extra weight you will carry around will feel like a ton by the end of the day.
I bet you lost use of your basic locomotional equipment, I can tell from here, otherwise you wouldn't be reading me on the internet, you would be there by now!
Also remember that during carnival time Venice is cold and humid, so stopping to eat (or for a cappuccino, ah, please also get also a veneziana pastry for me, tx!) may be the best moment for warming yourself up too, and staying a little bit at the table to sip a coffee and getting ready for the rest. You pay for this too, in a way, the moment you choose one restaurant instead of another. There is no free lunch in Venice, ever ...
WHAT TO DO IN VENICE
Don't ask me. There is always stuff to do in Venice. Get there, get all the promo info you can (and you will get a lot) buy a map (do it, you won't regret it) make your choices and follow the flow. You won't be disappointed, no matter what you decide to do. Oh, get a costume and mask too, it will make your experience more enjoyable. Buy it, rent it, or make it yourself at home. Color, teasing, that's what carnival is about. Participate, don't be a silent voyeur.
WHERE TO BUY A MASK IN VENICE
I swear, I saw this question coming up in a blog.
So I decided to help who may be so naïve or lost to be able to find a mask to buy, to participate to Carnival, whatever.
The answer is: JUST ABOUT ANYYWHERE, at any corner, in any street, just choose. I'm talking about the downtown, of course, the more commercial / tourist oriented area.
Venetians try to keep the rest of the city for themselves as much as possible, although "pecunia non olet".
WHAT PICTURES TO TAKE
Take pictures of everything! It's all fun, you will have a good time remembering the time you spent in Venice. Especially now that digital makes everybody a photographer, and you won't go bankrupts because of this.
But follow my advice: let the professionals go around with those huge cameras and bagfuls of lenses and accessories, all you really need to take great shots in Venice is a good wide angle. Venice is narrow, remember this, and anyway, you will have to get close to the masks to be able to take pictures of them, due to the huge amount of fellow photographers elbowing each other to be able to get a good position for shooting.
PHOTOGRAPHIC TRICKS IN VENICE
Well, since I already gave away one trick, the wide angle thing, I can as well tell you about my main trick for taking pictures in a Carnival situation, here it comes: THE ELBOW. Left or right, same thing.
Getting close enough to the masked ones, and in the right spot, is almost impossible, so use your elbow (lightly, and forget it was me who told you) and be VERY, VERY FAST in shooting, shoot one, shoot two, and get the hell out of there before the "elbowed" start getting real mad.
THINGS YOU MAY WANT TO LEAVE HOME
WHEN TAKING PICTURES IN VENICE
That heavy tripod, that expensive flash that doesn't fit in the bag, the extra zoom, all filters (except polarizing), extra camera as a backup (just in case something happens to your camera, relax, go get a "sprizzi", go see an extra museum, or some Commedia dell'Arte play, and buy some postcards ...
THINGS YOU HAVE TO BRING WITH YOU
WHEN TAKING PICTURES IN VENICE
Extra sets of rechargeable batteries, huge memory card, plastic bag to protect your camera in case of heavy rain, creativity, small light bag to protect camera in the crowd, good comfortable shoes, a map of the city.
HOW TO HAVE SEX IN VENICE
Usual way, face to face, face to back or watching TV, it's up to you.
Missionary, some exquisite Indian position, your call.
Just remember two basic things:
1) safe is always good
2) in Venice everything is very close to everything else, rooms are usually small, and walls have ears.
A buon intenditore, poche parole.